We have crossed the Rubicon.
On Monday, John connected the skill of pushing out his bed rail and his desire to not to be left alone in bed. That night I sat in his room until he fell asleep. At 2am that morning he pushed out his bed rail, gathered his Bee, and headed for the door. I went in, and after some negotiations on both sides, decided to let him sleep on the futon. I stayed on the floor next to the futon until he went to sleep.
I have been worrying about this moment for as long as he has been in "his big-boy crib." And I have read and read online about what to do. Most everybody concurs that the first step is explaining to the child that he needs to stay in bed. Fine, no problem. Then at bedtime, each time the child gets out of bed, you pick him up, return him to his bed, and do not make a fuss, either saying nothing or "It's time to stay in bed." All the while remaining positive yet detached.
I'm sure that would work if you had a child that will stay in the bed long enough for you to walk away after you have put him there. John is not that child.
So our second recourse, discussed in advance, is to aim for keeping him in his room. My stance: you can't force him to stay in bed (unless you hold him down, which I am not willing to do) but you can force him to stay in his room. I thought that Tony and I were in agreement with this strategy and that the plan was worked out.
Well, we discovered on Tuesday night that the parenting team had semantic differences, expectation differences, and locked-door tolerance differences.
That is, Tony and I got into a yelling fight while trying to put John to bed on Tuesday. We came to a ceasefire after John was finally asleep, which took 10 minutes of holding the door shut, Tony holding John in the bed and then sitting with him for another 10 minutes, and a recitation of "The Gruffalo" thrown in.
Last night (Wednesday) the plan was to go back to our normal bedtime routine, which Tony insisted had been working fine. I agreed, but was skeptical, now that the breach had been made. In a generous move, Tony granted me leave to attend a movie at bedtime ("Inkheart"). When I returned, John was asleep. Bedtime was not good, and Tony ended up holding John's door closed for 20 minutes. John spent time knocking on the door, trying to open the knob, and putting his face down by the crack at the bottom and calling for "Daddy." He finally went back to his bed and fell asleep. I counted the whole thing as the first step in the right direction, because John figured out to go back to his bed after only 20 minutes. It was very hard on Tony, though.
I am feeling a mixture of uneasiness and guarded optimism about tonight (Thursday). Tony is scheduled to leave "after bedtime" to go to Hilton Head, leaving John and me to work this out on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. Tony is worried that I will call him up at 2 in the morning freaking out with John still awake. However, I feel that Tony laid the groundwork last night, and as long as we are agreed that keeping him (I hate to say "locking" but that's what it is) in his room is the right way to go, I am pretty OK at hardening my heart enough to get through...
I am going to pick up childproof doorknob covers today, so that hopefully I don't have to hold the door shut like Tony did last night.
I would like reassurances that we are not being cruel by locking him in his room. He has a nightlight, all his usual accouterments (Bee, giraffe, owl, Thomas, and bear), and water. Since he's still in diapers, we're not withholding toilet privileges.
_____________________________________________
Later that same night (Thursday).
We had the usual protests when Tony and I left John's room tonight after the normal bedtime routine. He came over to the door and tried to open it for a minute or two. He was unable to defeat the childproof door knob cover. He requested an unnecessary diaper change (which I feel for during the 2am incident) and offered a couple "Daddy, can you help me's." He gave up pretty quick (about 3 minutes) and got back in bed. Wanted his water, couldn't find it, and cried a little for it, then covered himself up and went to sleep. YAY!
I didn't get back in there soon enough and he did fall out of bed around 9pm. He was crying a little bit, but was mostly still asleep. I put him back in the bed and covered him and he was sound asleep again before I could come back to give him some Motrin.
I'm off to bed myself now, and hopefully it will be quiet for the rest of the night!
Of course, we'll see...
